By Jonah Goldberg
Friday, February 21, 2025
Imagine you’re a pop star or famous actor. You have an
entourage of yes men (or yes persons if that’s too sexist for you). They suck
up to you, lavish you with praise, let you win at cards or video games, and
generally act like they think everything you say is more brilliant or funnier
than it really is. It doesn’t matter if your entourage is sincere in its
sycophancy or cynical. You can’t tell the difference.
Now imagine that you stubbed your toe one morning. At
dinner with your crew, you talk about how much it hurt. Everyone sympathizes
and makes a big deal about how awful it is to stub your toe. Then, later in the
meal, one of your cronies reveals he has been diagnosed with cancer. Everyone
sympathizes and asks what they can do, including you. But eventually the
conversation returns to the ordeal and agony of toe-stubbing. It’s not that
anyone said toe-stubbing is worse than cancer, but the overall effect is to
leave the subtle impression that your toe-stubbing is a bigger deal because it
gets more attention.
Now imagine that you’ve had hundreds, or thousands, of
similar experiences. Your hassles and minor hardships get more attention and
sympathy than other peoples’ real ordeals—deaths in the family, car accidents,
whatever. Over time, you’ll start to think that your small problems are more
important than other peoples’ real crises and calamities. You’ll think your
banal insights are brilliant while actual brilliant insights can’t hold a
candle to your dim-bulb ideas.
This state of mind is called acquired
situational narcissism, a term coined by Dr. Robert Millman, a prominent
psychiatrist. I first heard about ASN 20 years ago in an NPR
segment on Michael Jackson, and it’s come to mind countless times since
Donald Trump smashed into our lives like the Kool Aid-Man.
But I don’t want to talk about Trump’s obvious
narcissism. Rather I want to discuss three different, but weirdly
related, problems.
The valet effect.
I haven’t studied the literature on ASN, so maybe Millman
or someone else has looked at its effects on its enablers. It just seems to me
that ASN doesn’t just involve the psychic deformation of ASN sufferers, but of
the people who make it possible. In my time in Washington, I’ve met countless
people who have become blind to their own sycophancy of their bosses and
heroes. People who like sycophants attract people who are comfortable being
sycophants. In my experience, the proverb, “No
man is a hero to his valet” is not always true, though it can be.
German philosopher Georg Wilhelm Friedrich Hegel’s famous
quip is also correct only sometimes. “No man is a hero to his valet; not,
however, because the man is not a hero, but because the valet is a valet.”
Quite often the opposite is true: The man is a hero to the valet because the
valet is the kind of person who wants to be a valet to a hero. Whether or not
the man is actually a hero is irrelevant to the valet who needs to believe he
has hitched his fate to greatness.
I see this dynamic all over the place these days. People
need to believe they are part of some great cause, that their supplication to
Trump and the subordination of their own judgment is a small price to pay for
being in the “room where it happens.” The thrill of having his fame rub off on
them is intoxicating and seductive, particularly, but not exclusively, among
the sorts of people for whom being a valet to a “great” man is the only way
they can buy significance or respect or celebrity.
This dynamic is most obvious among those with actual
proximity, personal or political, to Trump. But it also happens at a distance.
Influencers, superfans, politicians, and TV hosts carry water for Trump like Gunga Din to
be in on the action.
Cults of personality are not new. I met someone whose
family was so enthralled with the cult of the Kennedys that a room in their
house was a veritable shrine to that corrupt clan. Form letters from Ted
Kennedy’s Senate office were framed and prominently hung on the wall. You
couldn’t convince them that the autopen signature wasn’t the real thing. The
letters and photos were, to them, akin to medieval relics of a saint. Then
there’s Italian dictator Benito Mussolini, who cultivated the idea that he was
married to the women of Italy. That came in handy when he asked Italians to
give their gold to the state to compensate for international sanctions against
Italy, and millions of Italian women sent him their wedding rings. A quarter of
a million came from the wives of Rome alone. I think about these things every
time I get spam from Trump Inc. offering the latest swag—membership cards, meme
coins, hats, special slots as a “Cabinet level advisor.” Like this email I got
the other day:
I understand that most people understand this is
conventional fundraising BS and Trump never even saw this email. I mean, we can
all agree that Trump is not interested in having me as an adviser,
Cabinet-level or otherwise. But I’m also sure that some statistically
significant number of people convince themselves that this is somehow real.
They want to believe. Kayfabe only works on the kayfay-able.
The great flattening.
Which brings me to the second thing. One of the
exhausting things about political life these days is the way the Outrage of the
Day—or Outrage of the Hour—dynamic flattens controversies. Trump says something
outrageous and everyone rushes into the virtual octagon to defend or attack it.
Or a Trump critic says something outrageous and the scrum starts again.
What vexes me is that distinctions don’t matter. People
simply go to their battle stations heedless of whether the criticism is
justified or the issue is even worth fighting over. It’s because the
fighting is the point. The result is that everything gets flattened,
commodified. This is the thing we’re arguing about now. Tomorrow—or in
10 minutes—it will be something else. Just as the diva’s (or divo’s) stubbed
toe is put on the same two-dimensional plane as the sycophant’s cancer
diagnosis, petty transgressions or petty accusations of transgression are
relegated to parity with true outrages and scandals. Whataboutism becomes an
all-purpose tool for defending the misdeeds of your side. Joe Biden did X so
that cancels out what Donald Trump is doing right now. Never mind that when
Joe Biden did X you were outraged, or vice versa. Two distinct wrongs become an
argument for one wrong making another wrong right. It’s all so very
stupid.
And it’s tragic.
Dishonor among nations.
And that brings me to the thing I am most angry about.
If you read Wednesday’s
G-File, you’d know that I am legitimately appalled by the Trump
administration’s betrayal of Ukraine and the larger assault on the NATO
alliance. This is a bigger deal than DOGE, the Eric Adams controversy, or any
stupid tweets about Napoleonic brain farts or the fake King Trump Time magazine
thing. It’s a historic travesty.
I am sick of hearing that Trump is trying to strengthen
NATO by delivering “tough love.” NATO deserves some tough love, but this isn’t
that. All of the arguments about Trump strengthening the alliance are
pretextual rationalizations for not speaking up against what he is actually
doing.
Trump’s deceitful and dishonorable attacks on Ukrainian
President Volodymyr Zelensky and Trump’s appalling adoption of Vladimir Putin’s
talking points make it clear that Trump’s priority is not strengthening NATO or
even delivering “peace.” He is simply siding with Putin. Trump pretends that he
cares—wrongly—that Zelensky is an illegitimate “dictator,” but he doesn’t care
an iota that Putin is an actual dictator. He says that Ukraine “started
the war” and that since Russia has fought for the Ukrainian territory it stole
at gunpoint, it should keep it.
Vice President J.D. Vance says we shouldn’t think of
“good guys” and “bad guys” in foreign policy. Fine. I think that’s morally
obtuse and shortsighted. But okay. That idea has a formidable intellectual
pedigree. What I cannot fathom is why the U.S. should affirmatively defend bad
guys and slander good guys, in return for … nothing from the bad guys.
The Trump administration and its supporters are
signaling, in word and deed, that America is no longer a reliable ally. The
administration is apparently
floating a unilateral withdrawal of troops from the Baltics and is
generally fine with loose talk, speculation, and panic about the future of
NATO. And Trump’s valet-like supporters are starting
to call for exiting NATO. Defense Secretary Pete Hegseth has ordered a
Pentagon review for massive defense cuts. These are signals.
Indeed, just by talking about
lifting sanctions on Russia—and by gutting the parts of the government that
enforce them—Trump has given a massive gift to Putin. Other nations now know
they don’t have to worry too much about defying sanctions. The Russian economy
and war machine have been given a lifeline thanks to Trump’s incredibly stupid
“negotiating” strategy of signaling in advance that we will give Russia almost
everything it wants.
But our allies believe that America cannot be relied
upon. Australia, which has fought alongside America in every major conflict
since World War I, is preparing
to be shafted by America. No doubt the Japanese, South Koreans, and
certainly the Taiwanese have similar concerns.
You can say our allies are overreacting to the
administration’s signals, or you can argue that they should fear being
abandoned by America. But you can’t argue both.
Strike that. You can argue both in this stupid
climate. Because arguments are reduced to whatever words you need to throw out
of your cake hole in a given moment. Consistency, truth, principle, rigor?
That’s cuck-talk. Just claim Trump was joking until you can’t defend that claim,
then celebrate the fact that he’s serious. Take him figuratively until it’s
time to take him literally.
This stuff is too serious for such games. If our allies
think we are no longer a reliable ally, you know what happens? They become
unreliable allies. They start looking to make new alliances. They stop
cooperating with us. Why should they? Again, if you think this is all to the
good, fine. We can have that argument. But blowing up an international order we
spent 80 years building, on a bipartisan basis, is something you do carefully.
If you truly think Donald Trump has put much thought into this, you’re probably
the sort of person who’d send him your wedding ring if he asked for it.
But, fine, let’s all pretend this isn’t happening. The
Europeans are getting their panties in a bunch for no good reason. When Trump
pulls off his master plan, NATO will be stronger, more reliable, and more
useful for the challenges that lay ahead.
But there’s still the issue of honor.
It’s funny, the rhetoric of MAGA is all about glory, but
either silent about, or contemptuous of, honor—both when it comes to character
and foreign policy. Classically glory and honor are linked: True glory can only
be achieved by acting honorably. Glorious acts are meaningless when pursued for
fame instead of virtue. I’m running very long, so I’ll spare you all the quotes
from Cicero and Aristotle.
I’ve been writing about the importance of honor in
foreign policy for
decades,
usually in spats with left-leaning “realists.” I think real realism—not
the quasi-Marxist version so popular among the people who wear the label like a
uniform—is impossible without taking into account notions of national honor. I
don’t mean national pride, which is a good thing in the colloquial sense even
though technically speaking pride is a sin. Pride is self-directed, even
self-centered. Honor is constraining because it requires following rules for
what is right, when it comes at a price, including at times to our pride.
As a matter of honor, we owe fidelity to our allies, to
our commitments, to our frick’n word. You can disagree with Joe Biden’s
commitment to Ukraine, or to every president’s commitment to NATO since Harry
Truman, but those commitments were made—with the consent of voters and
legislators—by America itself. I get that Trump thinks such commitments
have no moral or political binding power over him, and as a constitutional
matter there’s some—not a lot, just some—truth to that. But America gave its
word to our allies, and in a sense to our enemies, that we would stand by our
obligations, by our treaties, by our word.
Again, you can scoff at that. You can think honor is for
suckers, as so many seem to do when it comes to everything from marriage vows
to election results, to international alliances. But behaving dishonorably has
a price. I don’t mean to your soul, though I think that’s obviously true. I
mean as a matter of actual realpolitik. If America’s word is deemed worthless,
that will have geopolitical costs for generations to come. And if America
behaves dishonorably on the world stage—and that dishonor is celebrated as
glorious strength—it will change American character as well. Look
at the deal Trump has tried to cram down the throats of the Ukrainians: It
is vicious, cruel, and unworkably greedy. It’s more onerous than the
terms imposed on Germany after World War I, and far less defensible.
But if, in an act of desperation, the Ukrainians actually
agreed to it, Trump would celebrate the America First genius of the deal and so
would all of his valets across the media and political landscape. And a large
number of young people would come to believe that vampiric, imperialistic,
cruelty, and betrayal are the essence of “smart” conservative foreign
policy. Trump’s definition of a patriot—essentially someone who blindly follows
Trump’s dishonorable orders and little else—is the one Americans should take to
heart.
And America would be the worse for it. As Edmund Burke
said, “To make us love our country, our country ought to be lovely.” Likewise,
to make us honor our country, our country ought to behave honorably.

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