By Jonah Goldberg
Friday, September 26, 2025
“You must be loving this.”
I hear versions of this sentiment from normal people all
the time. The “this” I am supposed to be loving is the ridiculousness of our
politics. “You always have something to write about,” some will tell me. “You
must never lack for topics.”
I totally get why people might think this. But I cannot
begin to describe how wrong this is. Well, I can begin to describe it. I
just fear I won’t be able to stop describing how wrong this is. So if
you don’t mind, I’m going to do something self-indulgent and just tell you
about my, well, my feelings.
I am not loving this. I hate this.
Let me count the ways.
For starters, I like arguments about ideas. The only way
to have a good argument about ideas is if the person or people you’re arguing
with have some degree of sincerity about what they are arguing for—or against.
Being a political commentator in the Trump era is like being a sportscaster
covering a game of Calvinball.
The rules change all the time, so arguing about them is an exhausting waste of
time.
The only rule of Calvinball is that the game is never
played the same way twice. As the theme song goes:
Other kids’ games are all such a bore!
They’ve gotta have rules and they gotta keep score!
Calvinball is better by far!
It’s never the same! It’s always bizarre!
You don’t need a team or a referee!
You know that it’s great, ’cause it’s named after me!
If you wanna have fun!
Play
Calvinball!
da da buh dum!
While Trumpball is definitely always about Donald Trump,
reliably bizarre, and has no referees (save in the judiciary), it is different
than Calvinball in important ways. Unlike Calvinball, Trumpball has teams and
is rarely fun for those of us not on one of those teams. More importantly,
while the rules and goals change all the time, the underlying point of the game
is really always the same: Will Trump win?
Whether it’s crushing law firms he doesn’t like, exacting
tributes from universities or pounds of flesh from media outlets, the basic
story is always the same. Will the baby get his bottle?
In other words, the MacGuffin changes on a
near-daily basis, but every day is another rerun, every month a replay of the
same franchise. If you think Trump is the hero, it’s like an endless string of Die
Hard reboots. We’ve done Nakatomi Tower, Dulles Airport, and New York City,
let’s put John McClane in the Mall of America or Comic-Con—the terrorists can
dress like Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles or something!
If you think he’s the villain, every day is a Nietzschean
eternal rerun of the same movie starring Lex Luthor reimagined as if Biff
Tannen hosted The Apprentice.
From the perspective of someone who likes arguments, it’s
all so monotonous.
Trump’s motives are not hard to decipher—he literally
posts his stage directions on Truth Social on a near-hourly basis. He’s perhaps
the most Aesopian character to ever take center stage in American politics. The
scorpion cannot be anything other than what the scorpion is. Trump is not
necessarily a simpleton (though that case can certainly be made), but the
simplicity of Trump’s character is so obvious that I never cease to be amazed
by people who think he’s a complex person. His interior life is like a vast
Amazon warehouse with endless rows of empty shelves save for some golf gear,
some bank account records, a lot of MAGA swag, and press clippings about
himself.
To argue that Trump is a complicated man is like arguing
about the resplendence of the emperor’s new clothes: It is an act of pure
imagination.
And that is why the arguments are so unsatisfying. I can
run through nearly all of them in a few sentences.
The president has the power under the Constitution to do
X, so you must not like the Constitution if you oppose him doing X.
He won the swing states, so he has a “mandate” to be this
way. If you object, you must hate Trump voters and/or democracy.
Democrats did it too, so you have no right to complain
(even if you’re not a Democrat and condemned the Democrats when they did “it”
too).
And then there are all of the cases where people confuse
explanations for excuses. The president feels that he was wronged, so he is
getting payback. Okay? I knew that. So what? He thinks TikTok helped him win
young voters, so he doesn’t want to shutter TikTok as the law demands. Yeah, I
heard him say that too. Again, so what?
Towering above all the others is the “argument” that
Trump is a brilliant dealmaker, a 4D chess master, an economic savant, an
anointed chosen one, so when his supporters can’t explain or justify what he’s
doing is right, they simply put their faith in his judgment. His ways are
mysterious; who are we to question them?
Finally, there is the all-purpose, shoot-the-messenger
claim that if you bring any passion to your opposition or criticism, you are
suffering from “Trump Derangement Syndrome.” By making Trump the measure of the
new normal, you can dismiss anyone who dissents as being the abnormal one. Take
him into your heart and find all doubts lifted.
The Trump Derangement Syndrome charge is the most
exhausting. While it’s certainly true that he has driven many of his critics
into a form of irrational discombobulation, he has also discombobulated his
biggest fans, too. It’s truly exhausting how people who’ve changed all of their
positions to get right with Trump accuse me of being deranged for not doing
likewise.
I get a lot of grief whenever I say I’m exhausted with
the news or politics. I get it. This stuff matters. It’s my job to care about
it. If I can’t be bothered, why should normal people get worked up?
George Packer has a great essay in The
Atlantic on this very point. Whether or not you agree with his
contention that Trump is an authoritarian (though not in the 20th-century
sense), Trump’s tactics rely on a form of authoritarian logic. If you can make
caring about politics so gross, scary, or exhausting, normal people will
retreat to their hobbit warrens, while the remaining combatants vie to be the
less revolting option. Trump isn’t an ideologically sophisticated autocrat—he’s
more Il Douche than Il Duce—but he does have an autocrat’s lust for
praise and having his way.
Packer’s point about people retreating from public spaces
to imbibe politics passively through screens is an important one because, in
many ways, it inverts the formula of populist demagoguery. Willie Stark, the
Huey Long character from All The King’s Men, famously said to the crowd:
“Your will is my strength. Your need is my justice.” Trump’s relationship with
his biggest fans reverses that. “My will is your strength. My justice is
your need.” People watch him like a TV character they want to win, not for the
audience’s needs but for Trump’s own needs. That’s just weird.
I get a lot of grief for writing so much about Trump (as
I will again today). I also get grief when I don’t write about Trump. Indeed,
the reason I’m writing this meta-meditation on writing in the Trump era is
precisely because I looked deeply at the James Comey story and sighed, “I just
can’t.”
Other than the specific facts—which Andrew McCarthy does
a good
job laying out—what new is there to say? Trump wants revenge. He’s using
the government to punish his enemies. He’s undermining institutions to get it
done. His partisan defenders are hypocrites—and so are many of his partisan
critics. It’s the same plot, different episode of the same show.
My point isn’t to dismiss or diminish the importance of
Trump’s pretextual attack on Comey, it’s just that some days it’s just too
wearisome to add much to what everyone knows and has heard already, with a few
different names or constitutional norms to check off.
That said, a while back I wrote
about why we talk so much about Israel. The TLDR of my answer: because
Israel is under threat. It’s in the news. I’ve never met an Israeli who
wouldn’t love for Israel to just become like Denmark or Belgium—a normal,
peaceful, prosperous country you occasionally read about by accident. The
reason Israel dominates so many headlines and takes up so much headspace is
that there are people who don’t want it to exist, and Israel has to deal with
that reality. So it makes news, and a lot of people resent it for making news.
The same holds for Ukraine. Ukraine would obviously like to just be a normal
country like its Western neighbors. But Vladimir Putin has other ideas, and
that forces Ukraine into the conversation.
There’s a similar point to be made about Trump. People
ask me, “Why don’t you talk about the Democrats?” The short answer is I do. But
the fact is that the GOP controls the White House and Congress and Trump
controls his party in ways no president in living memory has. Moreover, he’s
coloring outside the lines. He’s testing the system. He’s redefining
conservatism in real time. He does everything he can to be the center of
attention constantly. In short, he’s making news. He’s driving events.
When people yell at me for writing too much about Trump, what many of them—not
all—really mean is “Why do you have to criticize him so much?” Part of this
response stems from the idea that conservative commentators are supposed to be
partisan Republican commentators. But in ways that have never been truer in my
lifetime, Republican and conservative are not synonymous terms.
It’s true, though: I don’t have to criticize him. But I
do have to tell the truth as I see it. And I’m sorry to tell you this, but
believing what I believe, telling the truth about Trump and criticizing him are
pretty close to the same thing.
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