By Kevin D. Williamson
Wednesday, July 19, 2017
Texas Democrats have a rich fantasy life.
“Dennis Quaid or Eva Longoria for Senate?” asked the Texas Standard, a liberal radio program
based in Austin. “Tommy Lee Jones for governor?” Texas Democrats, the gentleman
on the radio declared, are “looking for star power.”
Quaid, Longoria, and Jones were the names that figured
prominently in the radio promotional segment. The actual conversation with
Democratic analyst Harold Cook was somewhat lighter on that coveted “star
power,” offering up such stale and lame figures as Julian and Joaquín Castro and
Annise Parker, the heavy-handed former mayor of Houston who once attempted to
subpoena the sermons of local clergymen she suspected of opposing her
transgender-rights culture-war program.
As Cook tells it, Democrats desperate for an inspiring
leader are asking themselves: “Where’s Wendy?”
Wendy Davis, he meant.
It must kind of stink to be a Texas Democrat.
For those of you who missed the Wendy Davis saga, a
summary: Davis, an attractive and young-ish state senator from Fort Worth with
a colorful personal story (“Her father quit his job to pursue work in community
theater, leading his child support payments to dry up,” as the world’s most
delightfully dry Wikipedia writer put it) and a couple of abortions on her
résumé, staged a highly publicized filibuster of a bill that would have
tightened some abortion regulations in Texas. She did this while wearing a pair
of red sneakers, which immediately became a Democratic fetish item. Democrats
are funny about that sort of thing: See Melissa Harris-Perry’s tampon earrings,
etc.
That was the big moment for Texas Democrats, who were
sure that Davis’s bringing the issue of abortion to the center of . . . state politics in Texas . . . was just
what was needed to reinvigorate the moribund political machine inherited from
Lyndon Baines Johnson. They were excited — they were pumped. They all went out
and bought red shoes as though they could click their heels together and return
to political power.
Of course, the bill passed over Davis’s dotty objections.
The Democrats, who have a habit of rewarding failure (Hello, Mrs. Clinton!),
subsequently nominated Davis as their gubernatorial candidate. There were the
usual fawning profiles and declarations from Austin and Washington liberals
that Texas was finally ready to go Democratic. Election Day came, and Davis did
not even win 40 percent of the vote. As in the case of the failure of Jon
Ossoff (remember that sad little guy?) in Georgia, Democrats declared that they
had won a moral victory, even if the old-fashioned kind of victory — the kind
where you get more votes — eluded them.
That’s what Texas Democrats apparently mean by “star
power” — losing in the polls but winning the Washington Post style section.
“Star power” does not cover the likes of the Castro
brothers or Boss Parker. In fact, the Texas
Standard segment could not even be bothered to mention their names until
well into the conversation, after the discussion had already touched upon the
political ambitions of Kid Rock and Caitlyn Jenner, not to mention those of such
unlikely figures as Chuck Schumer and Elizabeth Warren. Even Texas Democrats do
not want to think very much about the actual Democratic party in Texas, as
dreary a knackery of hackery as can be found in this vale of tears.
Texas governor Greg Abbott, who does not yet have a
Democratic opponent to his reelection campaign, already has raised $35 million.
He does not give the impression of being much worried about his reelection
prospects.
Maybe he should be.
Texas politics is in the midst of a kind of double civil
war. The Democrats have not yet figured out that being the party of little old
liberal white ladies with a fanatical dedication to defending the abortion
license is a thing of the past for a party whose future is younger and browner
than its present. The Democrats are torn between being the party of Elizabeth
Warren and the party of the guy who cuts her grass, and it is inevitable that
the people who provide the Democrats with their votes and manpower are going to
eventually start asking why it is that their policy agenda, which is
economically focused, is being held hostage to the excretory and sexual
obsessions of a relatively tiny cabal of Wellesley graduates and puffed-up
assistant vice principals.
You’d think that Republicans, who like to think of
themselves as the party of economic growth and opportunity, might reach out to
a few of those voters interested in upward mobility for themselves and their
children. But Republicans are locked in the political toilet with the
Democrats.
Texas Republicans are in open revolt against the party’s
leadership in Austin. Conservatives from Houston to the South Plains hardly
ever even mention the Castros or the Parkers of the state, but bring up Joe
Straus, the speaker of the house, and they’ll spit. They want him deposed:
“Oust Straus” is their slogan. Like Boss Parker on the Democratic side, Texas
Republicans are to an extraordinary degree invested in political questions
having to do with which toilet men in dresses are obliged to use: Straus and
Lieutenant Governor Dan Patrick, who presides over the state senate, have been
locked in a deeply stupid and fruitless confrontation over the “bathroom bill,”
which now will be considered in a special legislative session. Normally, the
Texas legislature meets for no more than 140 days every other year. The
pressing toilet issue is not the only item on the agenda, to be sure, but it is
remarkable that the question looms so large in the political consciousness of
Texas Republicans that it would be taken up in a special legislative session,
as though the Lone Star State had suddenly been invaded by . . . California
Republicans such as Caitlyn Jenner, I suppose.
As it turns out, Texas Republicans have a rich fantasy
life, too.
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