By Jonah Goldberg
Saturday, September 10, 2016
As Bill Clinton likes to say to the summer interns, I
won’t keep you long.
“The Flight 93 Election.” That’s the title of a
pseudonymous essay in The Claremont
Review of Books that’s gotten a lot of attention of late. Rush Limbaugh
apparently loved it. A great many others thought it was unlovable.
I’m with them. Except in one regard: I like the title.
Oh, I hate the way the writer uses the idea. Indeed, while I kind of like the
writing style, and I’ve found the man I believe to be the actual author decent
enough, I find the whole pose of it fairly offensive. The author adopts the pen
name Publius Decius Mus, after a Roman nobleman who sacrificed his life for the
Republic by charging into the thick of battle. But the author isn’t even
willing to risk harm to his own name to launch his often baseless attacks.
Rather, from the bespoke comforts of the private sector, he accuses
conservative opponents of Trump of selling out, without any evidence beyond a
mist-producing frenzy of logic chopping.
Yes, there’s a nice parallelism between the pen name and
the title. The passengers who rushed the cockpit were indeed modern day Publii.
The writer, however, is not.
While Publius is obviously using Flight 93 metaphorically
— America is not actually a giant plane — he uses the metaphor with an appalling
amount of literalism. Hillary Clinton poses an existential threat. Here’s the
opening:
2016 is the Flight 93 election:
charge the cockpit or you die. You may die anyway. You — or the leader of your
party — may make it into the cockpit and not know how to fly or land the plane.
There are no guarantees.
Except one: if you don’t try, death
is certain. To compound the metaphor: a Hillary Clinton presidency is Russian
Roulette with a semi-auto. With Trump, at least you can spin the cylinder and
take your chances.
Again, he is not literally saying we will all die if
Hillary Clinton wins. But he is saying that it will be the end of America. This
is grotesquely irresponsible, particularly as the anniversary of 9/11 is upon
us. This is the logic that inspires Latin-quoting mad men.
It’s also not true. Truth would exonerate him. But it
isn’t true — and even if it were, he can’t possibly know that it is. I am the
first to concede that if Hillary Clinton wins it will likely be terrible for
the country. But America is larger than one election for one office in one
branch in one of our many layers of government. Indeed, if it’s true that
America is one election away from death, then
America is already dead. Because the whole idea of this country is that
most of life exists outside of the scope of government. Yes, this idea is
battered and bloodied. But I fail to see how rejecting the idea — as Publius
does — is the best way to save it.
We’re Going the
Wrong Way
So what do I like about the title? Well, used differently,
it’s illuminating. It’s reminiscent of Hugh Hewitt’s brief clarity on the
threat of Donald Trump to the Republican party. As he put it last June, “The
plane is headed towards the mountain” and the GOP needed to do whatever it took
to gain control and prevent the debacle of nominating Donald Trump.
Inexplicably, Hugh quickly abandoned that argument and decided to strap himself
in, perusing the SkyMall catalog for Trump ties as the plane careened toward
the mountain peaks.
In my preferred metaphor, we are on a plane heading for a
bad place, though not to our deaths. We are heading to a place from which it
will require years of work just to get back to where we are now, never mind a
preferred destination. I remember giving speeches during Obama’s first term,
amidst the fights over the stimulus and Obamacare. The set title for my talks
was “Cheer Up, for the Worst Is Yet to Come.” I was right of course. But I
remember saying, often, that I may end up spending the rest of my professional
life fighting just to undo the messes this president has created. That may well
still be true. And if either of these two hot messes hit the fan in November —
and one almost surely will — I’m going to be on my hands and knees with a
bucket and sponge trying to get the stain out of the carpeting.
And that’s the thing. The plane is off course because the
pilot is MIA, off guest-editing Wired
magazine or some such, while the other two members of the flight crew are
fighting over the throttle. One, Hillary Clinton, wants to take us to a bad
place and she knows how to get there. The other, Donald Trump, wants to take us
someplace that doesn’t even exist. The best argument for Donald Trump is that
if the destination existed, it might be a great place to go. I hear the martinis
in King’s Landing are fantastic. Meanwhile, the only argument for Clinton is
that at least she knows how to fly.
Hillary All the
Way Down
For a couple years now, I’ve been mocking the idea that
all Hillary Clinton needs to do is show the world “the real Hillary” and
everything will be fine.
It’s a hilarious argument on a bunch of levels. The part
I like most is that this line invariably comes from people with a vested
interest in signaling to the world that (A) they personally know the real
Hillary and (B) they really like the real Hillary. In other words, it’s a
subtle humble brag, an exercise in throne-licking and a way of posing as a tough-minded analyst.
I’m entirely confident that many offer this guidance
sincerely, just as many of Trump’s most public sycophants honestly believe that
their dear friend “Mr. Trump” is an awesome guy. The fact that he lends them
suites at the Mar-a-Lago is merely proof of his generosity. I mean, has anybody
done more to disprove the old adage “no man is a hero to his valet” than Chris
Christie?
The more significant problem with this “Real Hillary”
mantra — as well as all as the Hillary 5.0 garbage — is that it runs into the
nasty Aesopian reality that the Hillary we see is the real Hillary. I used to write a lot about Mitt Romney’s
“authentic inauthenticity” problem. He seems fake — but that’s really him. Hillary
Clinton has a similar problem (just as Al Gore did). Again, she laughs like a
malfunctioning animatronic pirate at the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. She’s
probably a good lawyer — even if the moral and ethical spirit of law was
exorcized from her a long time ago.
But as many of us know, there are many different kinds of
lawyers. There are dazzling courtroom attorneys who spin tales of June bugs and
turtles on fence posts. When these kinds of lawyers go into politics, we get
Bill Clinton, Dale Bumpers, and Haley Barbour. Hillary Clinton is a different
kind of lawyer. Her utility belt is crammed with paper clips, Post-it notes,
and a bottomless jug of Wite-Out. She was the kid who reminded the teacher that
there was supposed to be a quiz. Where Bill Clinton demonizes his enemies on a
debate stage, Hillary takes out hers by finding some small print in their
mortgage statement. She’s not Elliott Ness, she’s the accountant.
Sexism, Real and
Imagined
What I find so hilarious right now is the effort to claim
that anyone who points out these sorts of things is being sexist. Peter Beinart
even sees a “wave of misogyny” behind criticism of Clinton.
It is absolutely true that we treat female candidates
differently than male ones. Sometimes it’s unfair. At least until Donald Trump,
it was a truism that women are at a real disadvantage when it comes to their
hair. If a man, or at least a male politician, spends much more than ten
minutes on his coif, he’s wasting his
time (or convincing himself that no one can spot the comb over or wig). A woman
— not just Hillary, but any woman in the public eye — needs to worry about that
stuff far more, and dedicate far more precious time to it. That time matters.
(I always think it’s funny when I’m in the makeup room at
Fox. I’m a galumpy unmade bed of a man, and I get about seven minutes to put
window treatments on the condemned building. Meanwhile, these naturally
beautiful women require between 40 and 90 minutes for lily-gilding.)
Men can wear the same suit every single day and almost no
one will notice. Women have to come up with new stuff all of the time. Why
Hillary Clinton chooses to dress like the First Minister of Rigel 7 in an
episode of Star Trek is a separate
mystery, but the basic point holds true.
But the idea that Hillary Clinton is being brutalized by
sexist double standards is ridiculous, particularly in a cycle where the size
of her opponent’s hands — wink wink — has been a major topic of conversation.
There may be some sexist undercurrents when critics say Hillary should smile
more or that she is shrill. But they are erased by the factual tsunami that she
is actually quite shrill. Think of it this way. I certainly get why gays
bristle at the word “effeminate,” especially when it’s used as a generic insult
about all gays. But am I really guilty of anti-gay bigotry if I point out that
Richard Simmons is pretty damn effeminate?
Not only is it not sexist to dislike Hillary Clinton, it
is sexist to claim that disliking Hillary Clinton is sexist. I do not see Hillary
Clinton as a stand-in for all women, nor do I associate the things I dislike
about Clinton with women in general. If I did, I’d still be a bachelor or
looking for Richard Simmons’s phone number.
And anyway, male politicians have always been vulnerable
to insults to their manhood — just ask the first president Bush who was derided
on magazine covers as a “wimp.” When he ran for president, it was said his
trouble with women stemmed from the fact that he reminded women of their first
husband. This was all grotesquely unfair to Bush of course. The guy signed up
to fight for his country when he was 17. Moreover, I would guess a significant
number of first husbands were cut loose — or left their wives — because they
were cads, bullies, or bad fathers. George H. W. Bush is, in fact, a consummate
gentleman and family man.
Moreover, Hillary Clinton is running explicitly as the
First Woman President, Breaker of Glass Ceilings, and Grandma-in-Chief. She’s
doing that in large part because she needs to borrow excitement she can’t
muster herself. She’s like an unseasoned plate of steamed root vegetables, but
the chef is determined to dress it up by describing the meal in French and
delivering it under a giant brass dome. Voila! The spectacle is all the more
ridiculous when you hear the wait staff and busboys shouting about how great
the “real steamed cauliflower” is or
how what the chefs need to do is come up with “Cauliflower 6.0.”
There’s really only so much you can do with cauliflower.
Hillary’s E-mail
Problem — and Ours
A related dynamic has emerged with Hillary Clinton’s
e-mail troubles. The Washington Post’s
editors are very mad at Matt Lauer for spending so much time on the issue. And
I have to say they have a good point as far as it goes — but it doesn’t go as
far as they think. I agree that there’s an asymmetry between Trump coverage and
Clinton coverage, but that asymmetry stems from the fact they are so
unbelievably asymmetrical. I agree with David French (and, it seems the Wall Street Journal some days) that both
candidates are unfit for the presidency. But they are not unfit in the same
ways. A saw is a poor tool for hammering a nail and so is a cantaloupe, but the
explanations for their unfitness require very different arguments.
Hillary Clinton has spent her life in government. Along
with her husband, they’ve schemed, connived, trimmed, and slimed their way to
dynastic power and that dynastic power has bred a sense of entitlement the
likes of which you’d expect to find in third world kleptocracies. As a result
of spending a career climbing up the greasy poll, Clinton knows what she’s
talking about and understands the requirements and responsibilities of the job
she seeks. That doesn’t mean she’s right about what she wants to do with
government power, but it does mean she’s judged by the rules she grew up under.
On this Rush Limbaugh is right. Trump is largely immune to criticisms about the
normal rules — at least among his fans — because they never applied to him and,
often, he doesn’t even know what they are.
Thus the fixation on Clinton’s e-mail set up, her slush
fund of a foundation, and the rest is entirely understandable — and entirely
her own fault. I love hearing pundits insist that she should just come out and
give a press conference explaining what she did and apologize. I do think she
would be smart to apologize (though she shares with Trump a congenital aversion
to such things), but the reason she hasn’t explained herself is obvious: She’s
guilty! If she had a good explanation she would have offered it a long time
ago. (Note: I said “good” not truthful.) All she needs is to offer up something
believable. She can’t — and so she doesn’t.
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