By Kurt Schlichter
Monday, January 27, 2014
Have you noticed how the Establishment invents a lot of
special rules that only seem to apply to conservatives? Have you noticed how
these rules always involve preventing conservatives from winning? And have you
noticed how these rules never, ever seem to apply to our enemies?
Take the imbroglio over Wendy Davis, the pride of Harvard
Law School and the scourge of fetuses everywhere. Turns out her story of
pulling herself up by her stiletto straps was a bit more complicated than it
initially appeared. And by “a bit more complicated,” I mean it appears to be a
miasma of distortions, omissions and outright deception.
That is, if the left wing mainstream journalist who wrote
it is accurate. I mean, we can’t know for certain if the older, established
husband she married was telling the truth when he said she dumped him – and her
kids – the day after he finished paying for that Harvard Law School education
we keep hearing about, nor can we know if his initial legal claim of adultery
was accurate.
Apparently now it’s unfair to mention the possibility
that Wendy Davis, who expects the citizens of the Lone Star State to trust in
her character enough to elect her governor, might be a gold-digging user who
tosses aside those closest to her when they become inconvenient to her personal
agenda. That would seem important information to know about someone I was being
asked to rely upon to represent my interests.
But remember, “sexism” is holding a liberal woman to the
same standards of integrity as a man. Think of the MSNBC coverage if Sarah Palin
– who was raked over the coals for keeping her child – was accused of a tenth
of Wendy’s perfidy. They’d probably even preempt Lock-Up.
So we conservatives are supposed to be silent about the
faux heroine in tennis shoes who valiantly fought against the peril of babies
being born, about the women whose face launched a thousand Manhattan
fundraisers, about the newest feminist icon and symbol of just what a woman can
do when her soon-to-be ex is writing the checks.
The rules say we must to be silent, that talking about
her is somehow not understanding women’s stories. Gosh, the last thing we’d
want to do is not understand a woman’s story, whatever that means. We better
just sit, quiet and obedient. We’d better obey the Establishment’s rules.
Their rules. The rules that keep them in power. The rules
that didn’t apply when the NYT ran a barely sourced hit piece on John McCain’s
alleged affair during his campaign. Those rules.
Nah. The hell with their rules. Wendy Davis sounds like a
terrible person who will treat her constituents with the same disregard that
she treated her kids and I’m glad there’s a conservative media out there to do
the job the mainstream media only does on conservatives. Wendy Davis is the
power-hungry, hypocritical, elitist face of modern liberalism.
There’s another rule we didn’t hear about until Chris
Christie stopped haranguing conservatives long enough to explain why his
administration thought it was cool to abuse the public for its own personal
amusement. Apparently, we’re supposed to offer our credibility in support of
Christie in his time of need. He’s a Republican you know, and the rules say
that when a Republican moderate needs conservatives, we conservatives are duty
bound to come running.
Vice versa? Not so much.
So we’ll get right on that.
Trusting in Christie not to stick us in the back by
having some new revelation come out right after we stand up for him seems like
a solid strategy. We can totally expect Christie to repay us with support and
loyalty in the off chance that no Twitter direct message surfaces reading “Sure
hope the toll lane closure I ordered doesn’t slow up the Dominos guy.”
Just ask President Romney about Christie’s loyalty.
The Establishment’s rules also require that we stop
demanding that Republicans who claim to be conservative act like conservatives,
support conservatism and, you know, be conservative. The rules are there
because this short-sighted insistence by conservatives on conservatism is
somehow certain to prevent the success of conservatism. We conservatives are
just too unsophisticated to understand that true conservatism will only be
achieved by a strategy of surrender, compromise and acquiescence to expanded
government power.
Don’t fight amnesty! Don’t you know that by fighting
amnesty you’ll ensure that people who will never, ever vote for us will never,
ever vote for us? Of course, defeating amnesty also means they will never, ever
vote for our opponents either, but that subtle insight doesn’t seem to get much
play.
Don’t get upset that Republicans went along with slashing
our active duty military retirees’ pensions! Don’t you know that the path to
political success involves trashing the only subset of governmental employees
that has both a moral claim on a decent pension and generally supports
Republicans? The smart play for the GOP was picking on vets instead of any
other beneficiaries of a government that pays money to losers for sitting on
their ample bottoms watching Judge Judy all day, that hands out piles of cash
to Democrat green energy fraudsters, and that funds bizarre performance art
projects that combine flag desecration, hot fudge and sodomy.
The rule for conservatives is to sit down, shut up, and
write checks – except at election time, when they need us to come out and man
phone banks, walk precincts and vote, vote, vote for the smug jerks who will
later huddle with their buddies in D.C. bars laughing at how dumb we rubes
truly are.
The rules say we need to just sit and take it. But we
need to tell the Establishment geniuses what they can take their rules and do,
and they won’t be able to do it sitting down.
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