By Jonah Goldberg
Friday, May 24 2024
Before we get started, a point of personal privilege.
Just shy of a decade ago, Donald Trump accused me of not knowing how to buy pants.
It became a whole thing. National Review even tried to raise
money to buy me pants. Total strangers would come up to me and ask,
“How did you get those pants?”; “Who helped you get those pants?”; “Do you need
some new pants?” If you’ve never experienced such a thing, I can tell you it
elicits a certain uncertainty about your career choices.
As I’ve had to explain many times now, I do in fact know
how to buy pants. I wouldn’t say it’s one of my great strengths. If asked in a
job interview, “What special skills would you bring?” I wouldn’t lead with my
exemplary proficiency at pants-procurement. At the same time, my wife has never
gotten a call from the manager at Home Depot asking for her to come get her
husband. “He’s in the power tools section looking for pants again, Mrs.
Goldberg.”
Anyway, I bring this up, because—as countless people have
pointed out to me over the last day or so—it seems that Donald Trump believes
that his pants-skills are a source of his comparative advantage over lesser
mortals. Not just purchasing pants, but the full
pants package. Apparently, people marvel at his ability to get pants on,
“How do you do it?” people ask him.
“I’ll explain it to you someday,” he tells them.
Perhaps in the next Trump administration, we’ll get the
Pants Czar we never knew we needed.
Okay, let’s move on.
Flagging hysteria.
I’ll be honest, I don’t know what to make of the
explosion of SOV sweeping through the chattering classes. In case you didn’t
already know the term I just made up, that stands for Sudden Onset Vexillology.
Vexillology, in case you’re not a Big Bang Theory fan, is
the study
of flags.
I don’t want to spend a lot of time on the flag issue,
per se, but a little context and scorekeeping seems necessary. Justice Samuel
Alito—and his wife—are caught in a crossfire between vexillologists from all
directions. This all started when the New York Times reported
that shortly after January 6, the American flag outside the Alitos’ home was
hung upside down. The upside-down Stars-and-Stripes is a long-recognized symbol
of distress. If you have pirates on your ship or a hole in your hull, you
should fly your flag upside down to signal you’re in very serious trouble.
Apparently, some of the January 6 rioters and other MAGA radical types have
adopted this as a kind of insignia of their movement: “The country is sinking!”
(According to reports, Mrs. Alito hung the American flag
upside down as a middle finger to a really awful neighbor. More on that in a
moment.)
The Times and many of Alito’s harshest
critics are convinced that Justice Alito knew this and was telegraphing his
solidarity with such people. But given that Justice Alito says it was his wife
who displayed the flag upside down without his knowledge, some will concede the
possibility that it is Mrs. Alito who has gone full MAGA. The controversy
seemed poised to start dying down when the Times followed up with
another report: The Alitos flew a “Pine Tree Flag” outside
their vacation home. Despite being a venerable banner going back to George
Washington (his secretary designed it) that was, until 1971, the official
maritime flag of Massachusetts, we are told it too is a symbol of the
MAGA-aligned Christian nationalist right. As a result, the controversy has gone
back to 11.
I think most of Alito’s defenders concede, with varying
degrees of reluctance or enthusiasm, that hanging the flag upside-down was a
mistake, regardless of the motivations behind the decision. As for the Pine
Tree Flag, the defenders concede
nothing to the detractors. This, they argue, is little more than artificially
ginned up and wholly unjustified outrage. “The
Flag Furor Is an Appeal to Stupidity” read the headline of a piece written
by my friend and former National Review colleague Charlie
Cooke.
If this brouhaha were solely about the Pine Tree Flag,
I’d be squarely with Charlie et al. It’s been floating around in conservative,
patriotic, vexillogical, and Christian circles for quite a while—Ron Swanson
keeps one on his desk in Parks and Recreation. Leaping to the
conclusion that this proves Alito has become a MAGA radical loyal to Trump and
not the law seems like the dot-connecting equivalent of trying to leap a canyon
in two jumps—particularly when Alito has provided scant evidence from the bench
he’s anything of the sort.
Still, hanging the American flag upside down was
legitimately weird. It was also inappropriate, whatever the motivation, for it
to be flown outside a Supreme Court justice’s home. Think about it this way: If
the Alitos hadn’t done it in the first place, no one would be talking about it
(that’s how Earth-logic works). It’s fine to argue that critics are
overreacting, but justices should not provide opportunities for such
overreaction. (On Advisory Opinions, Sarah Isgur offered a very
instructive list of Democrat-appointed judges and justices making
political mistakes that didn’t receive nearly as much scrutiny).
In short, I don’t think there are enough facts to support
sweeping conclusions one way or another. But that hasn’t stopped many people
from offering sweeping conclusions. A sure sign that there’s a lot of political
opportunism hiding in mufti within the political hysteria is that this brouhaha
has reignited calls
to pack the
Supreme Court. “Justice Alito must recuse himself from anything related to the
January 6th insurrection and we must expand the Court to ensure that Donald
Trump’s stolen seats don’t dismantle our democracy,” Sen. Ed Markey declared.
I think that’s nonsense. But let’s widen the
lens.
The paranoid style of the center.
Jesse Walker makes a really interesting point in his
book The United States of Paranoia: A Conspiracy Theory. The
standard egghead narrative—foisted on the chattering classes by Richard
Hofstadter in “The Paranoid Style in American Politics”—is that paranoia and
conspiracy theorizing is primarily, even exclusively, a feature of zealots,
particularly right-wing zealots, at the margins of politics and society. It’s
absolutely true that the right-wing fringe is full of conspiratorial nonsense.
It’s also true that the left-wing fringe is full of conspiratorial nonsense,
but academia and elite journalists rarely shine a light on it the way they do
with right-wing craziness. But, Walker notes, the people who get a total pass
from this hand-wringing reside in the center. Walker writes:
Pundits tend to write off political
paranoia as a feature of the fringe, a disorder that occasionally flares up
until the sober center can put out the flames. They’re wrong. The fear of
conspiracies has been a potent force across the political spectrum, from the
colonial era to the present, in the establishment as well as at the extremes.
A few pages later he adds:
You wouldn’t guess it from reading
“The Paranoid Style,” but the center sometimes embraces en masse ideas
that are no less paranoid than the views of the fringe.
Walker argues that when “the center” is freaked out by a
conspiracy theory, we don’t call it a conspiracy theory. We don’t really call
it anything in the heat of the moment. But later, when we realize that people
kind of lost their minds, we retrospectively call it a “moral panic.” There
have been countless moral panics. In my lifetime, elites freaked out over Alar
on apples, Dungeons & Dragons (the game, not the dank chambers or magical
monsters), Y2K, video games, the tea parties, book “banning,” and child-abusing
satanic cults. A little before my time, there were moral panics over things
like hitchhiking, comic books, and rock ‘n’ roll.
Sometimes ideological bias colors what gets called a
moral panic. Lefty historians like to describe the Red Scares of World War I
and the 1950s as moral panics, but the Brown Scare of the 1940s was just a
reasonable concern about fascists in our midst. Don’t get me wrong, there was a
lot of moral panic in both Red Scares, and there was reason to be concerned
during the Brown Scare. But sometimes we use the phrase “moral panic” to
delegitimize all reasonable concerns. Communist infiltration and influence in America
was a real threat, even if I’m perfectly happy to concede there were
unjustified excesses.
Or think of it this way. People in power are often more
paranoid and conspiratorial than people out of power. (Nixon saw conspiracies
everywhere; so did Hillary Clinton.) This isn’t just an American thing. Stalin
and Hitler based their whole worldviews on paranoid conspiracy theories.
Early modern England was shot through with conspiracy theories about the
Catholic Church and Catholic Spain. It was a moral panic, to be sure. It was
also based on the fact that the pope and the Spanish were very hostile to newly
Protestant England.
In other words, moral panics are, more often than not,
exaggerated responses to real things. The “Black Lives Matter” and George Floyd
protests were, by my lights, an obvious example of an elite moral panic. But
that doesn’t mean there was nothing to get upset about. My libertarian friends
like to call various iterations of the Drug War or illegal immigration moral
panics. They often have a point about the excesses, but I think they’re usually
wrong to say that the hysteria is baseless. There’s often a base, even if the
hysteria goes overboard.
Dueling panics.
Or take the most relevant example for the present moment:
The elite moral panic over Donald Trump—and Joe Biden.
I think I have demonstrated my bona fides as an
anti-Trump dude (the pants thing alone tells the tale). But I am perfectly
willing to concede that Donald Trump has elicited a protracted freakout in many
quarters of politics, academia, and journalism. For Trump’s staunchest
defenders, it’s all unjustified. For Trump’s harshest critics, it’s barely
sufficient.
If forced to choose, I am closer to the critics than the
defenders. But no one is forcing me to choose, so I will plant my feet and get
crap from both directions. For instance, I think the hush money case against
Trump is a profound error. Oh, I think he’s guilty of the stuff—the affair, the
payoff, the false accounting, etc.—but I also think the claim that this amounts
to a felony is weak on the facts and the law. But I also think the Trumpist
claim that this is outrageous, banana republic-style election interference
orchestrated by the Biden administration—never mind, a Stalinist “show
trial”—is nonsense.
Consider the neighbor who reportedly ignited Flag-gate.
He had a “F— Trump” sign in front of his house, some 50 feet from where
neighborhood kids wait for the school bus. When asked to take it down, he
called Mrs. Alito a “c—t” and blamed her for
January 6. Even if you think Mrs. Alito’s response is crazy, it’s worth
bearing in mind that her neighbor is crazy too. If this was
during the Red Scare, this would be like calling Dean Acheson’s wife a “c—t”
and blaming her for the Chinese invasion of South Korea. Heck, that’s unfair to
the Alitos, because there was at least good reason—later proved false—that Acheson
had unintentionally
encouraged Stalin and Mao to invade. How on earth is Justice Alito—never
mind Mrs. Alito—responsible for January 6?
It says something that there’s been virtually no
journalistic curiosity about this neighbor. I can think of good—and
bad!—explanations for that, but I think it is beyond obvious that if there was
a confrontation in which a right-wing neighbor spewed conspiratorial and gross
nonsense at a liberal Supreme Court justice or their spouse, we’d know that
neighbor’s name. MSNBC would run whole segments on the neighbor’s troubling
associations and radical views.
This story is a good stand-in for the broader dynamic. A
Supreme Court justice and his wife are, by any conventional understanding,
members of the elite. Socioeconomically, I think it’s a fair guess that their
neighbor is a member of the elite too. So here we have a politically deranged
individual triggering political derangement in another. Thinking Mrs. Alito is
responsible for January 6—or simply calling her a “c—t” for objecting to his
sign—is politically deranged. Hanging a flag upside down in response is
politically deranged. It’s our politics in miniature. Again, I don’t know who
the neighbor is, but I’d hardly be shocked if he was a prominent Democratic
lawyer, executive at some liberal NGO, or a producer at MSNBC—because they are
the sorts of people who would behave this way.
But you can sense from the coverage and Alito criticism
that all of the troubling behavior is from the Alitos. Little thought is given
to the fact that crazy begets crazy.
This week the MAGA right, at Trump’s urging, convinced
itself that Joe Biden tried to assassinate Trump during the FBI search of
Mar-a-Lago (read Mike Warren’s full
account of all that here). Also this week, Joe Biden spewed a farrago of falsehoods and
insisted that the forces of reaction
and racism were surging (under his presidency). He took a
stupid amateur meme seriously that suggested Trump wanted to deliver a “unified
Reich” when elected. I could list more examples all day long.
(I should note, by the way, that MAGA outrage over
Biden’s (utterly fictitious) attempt to use the FBI to assassinate Trump is
particularly hilarious, given that Trump and his lawyers have floated the idea
that presidents who assassinate a political opponent should be immune to
political prosecution. If they really believe that, what’s all the whining
about? Ordering the FBI—or Seal Team Six—to take out Trump would be an official
act, after all.)
I’m not trying to make a false equivalence. I think
Trump’s behavior is far worse than Biden’s. MAGA’s conspiratorial mindset is
more pronounced and dangerous. But Biden’s behavior is more mainstream. He’s
the president. His defenders and surrogates control the commanding heights of
media, academia, and entertainment.
Trumpworld, including plenty of elite Republican
politicians and pundits, have embraced the view that America cannot survive
another Biden term. Bill Barr and Nikki Haley have stated plainly and
persuasively that Trump is unfit and would be a ruinous president. But they’ve
endorsed Trump anyway. Meanwhile, Bidenworld—which includes the denizens of
those commanding heights—insists democracy will end with another Trump
presidency. Neither claim is baseless. But both claims are suffused with moral
panic. I can already anticipate the feedback I will get from people on one side
or the other insisting that I am only half-right; my side is right to
be panicked.
The point I’m trying to make is that political
derangement is dialectical. I should also note that the anti-Trump hysterics
are to some extent helping Trump. The more they shed decency and norms while
railing about Trump’s rejection of decency and norms, the more they ratify his
worldview. He wants you to think all the rules are B.S., mere facades designed
to keep the Deep State or the “Marxists and Fascists” in power. He wants you to
think that decency and decorum are for suckers, because that makes his indecency
and crudeness seem honest and authentic. If the current
“regime” is corrupt, undemocratic, and authoritarian, then the choice isn’t
between democracy and authoritarianism; it’s between their
authoritarianism and ours. And, I regret to tell you, if that’s
the contest, Trump will win (I hate and reject that choice, but the Remnant is
not a voting bloc anyone cares about these days). In a contest between frail
and vacillating authoritarianism and confident and strong authoritarianism, the
strong and confident will most likely prevail.
I don’t think Biden is an authoritarian—his indefensible
use of executive orders notwithstanding—but he’s failing at convincing people
that this isn’t the choice. He’s lost the ability to defend and exude a sense
of normalcy. He’s leaning into a left-wing moral panic in hopes that it’s less
terrifying than a right-wing moral panic. I think he’s got the better argument,
but he’s a terrible salesman for it.
When the center does not hold, it’s because the
centrifugal forces of paranoia make the sane feel crazy. I know many Dispatch readers
understand what I’m talking about. The need to be on a team is a powerful human
compulsion. What Ramesh Ponnuru calls the “lure
of binarism” is a siren song. It’s not just a left-right thing, though when
the left and right have largely self-sorted into competing moral panics,
staying calm and sticking to the facts is seen as a kind of treason to both
left and right. They insist that you must share our hysteria or be held
responsible for the things we’re hysterical about. And, you’re a c—t,
too.
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