Last Exit to Mulberry Street

By Kevin D. Williamson

Wednesday, March 03, 2021

 

When I sit down to read a book,

Some idjit says to me,

“Oppressor, check your privilege —

We’ll decide what you can see!”

And if I dare to contravene

Or decline to heed his quarantine,

Some philistine on Twitter sternly says,

“That literature’s obscene!

“You must do as we dictate,

“And we shall de-platform that hate!”

 

Now, what can I say

About the news today?

 

Under pressure from the mob

A gaggle of millionaires

— Dr. Seuss’s own literary heirs! —

Are nixing six books — they are pressing “Delete.”

And we’ll never again stroll down Mulberry Street.

 

That’s nothing new to us:

Just go ask Mark Twain

How the story of Huck Finn

Got flushed down the drain.

 

“Art should break rules!”

So they used to say.

But the fools’ new command

Is that art must obey.

 

Conformism’s victory is almost complete

So you’ll never again visit Mulberry Street.

 

The great and the small fry,

From Steinbeck to Weiss

Are pushed into the margins

Their words put on ice.

Harper Lee, Whitman, Rushdie, and Golding —

Faced with complaints, the school boards are folding.

 

Freedom of speech has nary a booster:

Not at The Atlantic nor Simon & Schuster.

The New York Times will bellow and bleat,

And the silence will echo down Mulberry Street.

 

No, this won’t do, this won’t do at all —

This won’t do, these minds so small!

If they see just one word that they deem indiscreet

They’ll melt into puddles on old Mulberry Street.

 

Hold on a minute! Has it come to that?

Yertle the Turtle? The Cat in the Hat?

The Whos down in Whoville —

All samizdat?

 

Informers informing, keep your eyes on your feet:

The Secret Police patrol Mulberry Street.

 

Must we be doomed to litigate

The past, which did not anticipate

The present? Must it be our sorry fate

To comically self-flagellate?

 

We live and we learn

And our attitudes change.

Every day is a new day —

But isn’t it strange

That people who sell books

Should have the conceit

To put up a roadblock on Mulberry Street?

 

The hucksters and hypocrites

Are quick to join forces

And report any wrongthink

To Human Resources.

 

I know what I know . . . and this isn’t right.

 

Amazon plots

In the dark of the night

And gone is a book

That won’t see the light.

But wouldn’t it be grand

If they cared half as much

About books as their brand?

 

Oh, but who needs all that reading when there’s Netflix to binge?

The Star-Belly Sneetches now have their revenge.

 

An intelligent book

Deserves someone to read it.

A book that starts fights?

We desperately need it.

An unpopular view?

The campus should hear it.

But both teachers and students

Are afraid to go near it.

They cling to their wubbies

And bury their faces.

Away with you ninnies —

Back to your safe spaces!

 

Go back to TikTok or stay home and tweet.

You don’t deserve to see Mulberry Street.