By Michael Brendan Dougherty
Monday, November 02, 2020
Remember George H. W. Bush’s “thousand points of light”?
Or Bill Clinton’s “bridge to the 21st century”? Me neither. But, as judgment
day approaches, I’m nostalgic for whatever they might have meant.
My one hope for Election Day is that everyone gets it out
of their system. Vent away, people.
Biden haters, I urge you to let it all out. Not just at
the doddering man himself, the one who can’t lead himself out of a basement but
wants to lead the free world: Hate on them all. Governor Gretchen Whitmer
trying to prevent you from buying perennials at Home Depot, when planting your
garden in the spring was just about the most healthy, wholesome, and pious
thing you could do. Hate on Governor Andrew Cuomo’s weird Mountain of Doom
presentations about his greatness, even as New York undergoes an agony. His
stupefying TV brother who preaches mask wearing and entombment in your basement
when sick on TV, but who gets spotted in Long Island, maskless and presumably
contagious. Hate on Governor Gavin Newsom burning fossil fuels in a private jet
to take a photo op with Kamala Harris in front of a picturesque burned
residence, whose owner isn’t even allowed to visit the ruins of his life. Hate
on Hillary Clinton telling Joe Biden not to concede. Hate on the idiot health
officials — the ones in New York telling you to celebrate Chinese New Year one
week to show that you aren’t afraid, then shuttering the churches and
synagogues the next, then relaxing enforcement in favor of left-wing protests.
Hate on the weird Pennsylvanian health commissioner Dr. Rachel Levine, who
withdrew her mother from a care home, even as she assured the state such
facilities were safe.
Hate on the pro-lockdown fanatics, who live in the Zoom
economy. The people who have destroyed the livelihoods of your family members,
because they can cocoon away, with the help of Jeff Bezos and ten different
food-delivery apps. Hate on the Democratic mayors in Minneapolis, Portland,
Kenosha, Philadelphia. Hate on Mayor Bill de Blasio, you don’t even need a
specific reason. Hate on the teachers’ unions, whose members don’t consider
themselves essential workers, and who have made the United States one of the only
countries in the world with schools that can’t function in the pandemic.
Hate on the conspiracy theorists. Like Nancy Pelosi
telling you “all roads lead to Putin,” and who sent you the fake stories about
Russian meetings, Russian email servers, and “pee tapes.” The people who sent
your heroic memes of Robert Mueller. The ones who said that Trump would give
you a fake vaccine.
If you hate Trump — put all your hate into that voting
booth. After all, you’re voting against a man who grinned and gave a thumbs-up
in a photo op with a baby, recently orphaned by a right-wing mass shooter in El
Paso. Hate on Fox News for filling your father’s retirement years with anxiety
over the “Demoncrats” and the fact that you’re going to get a My Pillow this
Christmas. Hate on the boner-pill-pushing media companies who traffic in the
real paranoia, the ones who slowly deranged your cousin, who is currently
preparing a presentation on “the plandemic and the Great Reset” over your
family Thanksgiving Zoom. Hate on the anti-science lunkheads, who go to Trump
rallies, and coughed on Herman Cain until he died.
Hate on the whole Republican Party, on
the senators who are too afraid to say even what they think of Dear Leader
Trump. Hate on the apparatchiks who took jobs as diplomats and insulted our
allies. Hate on Governor Greg Abbott, who opened his state too early, saw a
giant spike, and had to shut down again. Hate on the gall of people to call
themselves “conservative” when they support a man who has no knowledge of or
respect for this nation’s Constitution. Hate on the fake Evangelical “leaders”
like Jerry Falwell Jr. who go out and support a man who admits he never asks
God for forgiveness. Hate on the Fox News hosts who think Jared Kushner is a
moron and just never say so in public. Hate on this whole dumb, deadly charade.
Just let it all out. Maybe there is a normal life at the
end of it. Maybe not. And at the end of the day, we’ll compare the piles of
hatred. Lawyers might get involved. If they delay too long, rioters too.
Democracy is glorious.
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