By Daniel Payne
Wednesday, June 07, 2017
Dear Climate Alarmists,
We are exhausted.
It is not easy to write a letter like this. But we, the
non-alarmist community, could not put it off any longer. We have quite simply
reached the end of our rope. There are things you have to hear, even if it’s
painful to hear them.
For the past few decades we’ve tolerated your hysterics,
your cries of doom, your augurs of ecological catastrophe, your heralding of
the coming global eco-pocalypse. We rolled our eyes and patted you on the head
as you went after the plastic bags and the secondhand cars and the nice bright
light bulbs. We even let one of your chief clarions come within a hairsbreadth
of the White House—my goodness, was that 17 years ago this fall? Time flies
when you’re having fun and predicting the end of the world every seven minutes.
But now the time has come for you to grow up or shut up.
One or the other. Frankly, the former would be preferable, but we’ll take the
latter in a pinch, in large part because we stopped genuinely listening to you
years ago. Did you know that?
We’ve still kind of put up with your endless
environmental wailing, and we’ve allowed your doomsayers to make regular
appearances on cable news channels, the college lecture circuit, and even
network television programs. But many of us have had a discrete iPod earbud in
this whole time, listening to baking podcasts and binging on Netflix while you
gnashed your teeth and rent your shirts and pulled your hair. A few of us even
learned to doze with our eyes open! But we’re done with this charade now. It’s
time to move on.
Yes, It Was Paris
“Why?” you might be saying. “Why now? What changed your
mind?” Oh, my friends, spare us the ignorance—you and we both know it was
Paris.
Ah, Paris—the city of lights, la ville d’amour, paname, ma belle. It’s a beautiful place,
although we suspect that from now on you may not be able to look upon it
without weeping like a Frenchman. Paris, once the eponym of one of your
greatest achievements, has become synonymous with one of your great humiliations.
It should come as no surprise that this is where we break. You knew this was
coming—don’t stand there acting surprised.
Your hysterics surrounding the United States’ withdrawal
from the Paris global warming arrangement have finally driven it home for us:
this isn’t working. We can’t keep pretending as if you’re making any sense or
anything remotely connected to sense. We have to end this.
So we—what’s that you’re asking? “What hysterics?” Oh,
please, don’t play dumb with us. We—okay. You really want to do this? Fine.
This isn’t going to be pleasant, but you apparently won’t have it any other
way.
Consider the Washington
Post writer who hated the Paris deal until the exact moment President Trump
pulled out of it. Or the billionaire who claimed that, by withdrawing from the
deal, Trump was committing “a traitorous act of war against the American people.”
Or the celebrity pseudo-scientist who asserted that the Trump administration
didn’t know “what Science is or how & why it works.”
Or the actress who floated the idea of a class-action
lawsuit against Trump. Or the website that implied Trump was telling Planet
Earth: “Drop dead,” the major news organization that claimed the same thing, or
the major newspaper that did the same. Or the civil liberties organization that
claimed the withdrawal “would be a massive step back for racial justice” as
well as “an assault on communities of color across the U.S.” Or the journalist
who implied that “we [will] all die” as a result of the decision.
Or the newspaper editor who implored us to “blow a kiss
goodbye to nature.” Or the progressive activist who claimed that “Trump just
committed a crime against humanity” and had “expanded his predatory acts to the
entire planet.” Or the actor who mourned: “Today, our planet suffered.”
Or—What’s that? You want us to stop? Well, okay.
By Now It’s an
Addiction
We know it’s not easy to hear. In fact, we’re sure it’s
downright embarrassing. But in the end you have nobody to blame but yourselves.
Indeed, this wasn’t just a one-time binge; you’ve been doing this for years.
Consider, for instance, the fact that your darling bureaucratic body, the
United Nations, once issued a dire warning predicting “fifty million climate
refugees by 2010.” When that didn’t happen, the UN covered up its own failed
prediction and moved the goalposts forward another decade.
We’re sorry, but we just can’t deal with this emotional
rollercoaster anymore. If you tell us to expect a global migrant catastrophe
within five years, we expect to have a global migrant catastrophe within five
years. If you can’t keep your word, then don’t even bother giving it in the
first place.
It’s tough. Believe me, we’re sad too. We were actually
hoping to just let you be. We would have given you the movie awards ceremonies
and the constant ubiquitous “marches” and Bill Nye; those things haven’t really
been our scene for years anyway. But Paris was the straw that broke the
exhausted camel’s back. No longer can we just grit our teeth and put up with
your shrieking hysterics. It has to end.
For goodness’s sake, please: just be quiet and leave us
alone.
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